Unwrap My Heart by Alex Falcone

Author:Alex Falcone
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: young adult;romance;fantasy;parody;humor
Publisher: Alex Falcone
Published: 2016-11-12T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 8

I brushed the sand from my face before I opened the front door so it wouldn’t be completely obvious I’d been making out with dusty remains of a mummified teenager.

My dad was waiting for me in the living room, frowning.

“Did you have a nice time?”

“Yes, thank you. I think I’ve worked out that he was a nice boy who sometimes did dickish things.”

“That’s good, Sofia. I think it’s time we had a chat. Why don’t you sit down?”

Suddenly I noticed it—the smell of Dutch apple crisp overbaking in the oven. I froze.

One of my dad’s life philosophies was that hard conversations were easier over pie. I still remember the ashen remains of a lemon meringue he made when mom left. Maybe the pie helped the sting of her leaving, but more likely, her leaving ruined pie for me forever.

“I’m definitely not in the mood for a pie talk tonight, Dad.”

“I’m sorry, Princess. I’ve put this off for long enough already. Maybe too long. Please sit.”

I couldn’t figure out a way around it so I gritted my teeth, sat down at the dining room table, and prepared myself for Pie Talk: The Sex Talk edition. I thought for sure I’d dodged that bullet at this point, but maybe he thought it was better late than never. I was not looking forward to the metaphors he used to describe sex. My money was on bowling, since that was the only sport he really understood well. It was probably too much to ask, but I hoped he’d leave my gutters out of the analogy.

He might even try darts, which would be even worse.

“Sofia,” he started. He was more nervous than I expected. “When you ran off with Seth, you left your computer open.”

Oh no! I was still dealing with Seth’s revelation about his mummyhood myself; I definitely wasn’t ready to explain it to dad. Please, make this a sex talk! Even one about darts and gutters!

“I didn’t mean to snoop! I really didn’t. I just happened to see Ancestry.com open, and I assumed it was about your research project so I read closer.”

“Wait, what?”

“I want you to know it’s okay to talk to me about your mom.”

“This isn’t about sex or mummies?”

“Oh God no. Do you need the sex talk too? Because when you’re bowling--”

“No!”

“Whew. As far as mummies go, there’s no reason for you still to be scared of them because they’re not real.”

“That’s how I feel, too.”

Now we were both confused. He got up to take the pie out of the oven.

“Apple crisp? It’s a very dark golden brown.”

“Thanks.” It actually wasn’t too bad for dad’s cooking.

He cut a generous slice for each of us and set them on the table, then looked at me seriously.

“How long have you been researching your mom’s family?”

I was so relieved not to be talking about mummies or sex or sexy mummies or sex with mummies that I couldn’t lie. Or maybe he was right. The pie softens you.

“This whole time. I mean, right after she left.

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